Winters Night
by Normal Chick
Summary: Spike watches his love. S/B


TITLE: Winters Night  
AUTHOR: Alicia. aka Normal Chick.  
E-MAIL: HelloImGod@aol.com  
Website: Cheap and Evil (http://www.envy.nu/cheapevil/) My personal site, fanfiction.net, and if you wanna archive this just ask  
PAIRING: Spike/Buffy.. kinda.  
RATING: G   
SPOILERS: Up through spoilers for "Gone"   
SUMMARY: Spike watches Buffy.  
DISCLAIMER: Buffy and everything I use in this fic belong to my god Joss. *sigh* And like Fox, Mutant Enemy, UPN and anyone else.  
Notes: This is my second BTVS fic! Yay Me!  
  
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The footsteps upon the wet and muddy ground seemed to echo in the ears of the dark figure that walked through the Summers backyard.  
  
He had to see her. It had been too long since the accident with Willow. She hadn't come and seen him but he didn't blame her though. She had to take care of Nibblet.  
  
Spike knew it was a great risk to try and visit her at this time of year. It was Christmas after all and she would probably kick his ass right off her back porch.  
  
But he needed to see her. It was the closest that he would probably ever get to her again.  
  
He reached the first step of the porch and let out a soft unneeded breath.   
  
So close yet so far.  
  
He took a step.  
  
Then Another.  
  
And Another.   
  
He walked up the short set of steps quickly and felt a great need to run away as he saw the blonde sitting at the island flipping through a magazine.   
  
His undead heart jumped to his throat whenever he saw her. He wanted to run through the door and scoop her into his arms. Cover her with kisses and hold her for eternity.  
  
It would never be though. It took him a minute to register her hair. The once long waves was a now blunt cut above her shoulders. God how he wished he could run his fingers through it. Let the scent of her vanilla shampoo overpower him.  
  
He shook his head and tried to pull himself together. She wouldn't allow that. He'd be lucky to touch her again let alone allow him to caress her.   
  
Buffy began to shift slightly on the stool and Spike froze.   
  
Was she getting up?   
  
Could he run away fast enough?  
  
'Bloody hell I hate doing this!'  
  
But to Spike's joy she didn't get up but her body began to shake. He thought maybe she had laughed but she was still softly shaking.  
  
Oh god..  
  
She was crying.   
  
Spike tried to move but he couldn't. His body stuck in place, unsure of what to do. If he ran into the house to comfort her she would surely kick him out or even worse. Besides his presence would probably hurt more than help.  
  
So he stayed put on the porch watching her slim frame rock with sobs. He wondered why no one had come to check on her and see if they could do anything. Maybe they went out. Leaving her alone.  
  
He ached to hold her and make the world go away but for a moment. Hold her hand and wrap his arms around her waist and hug her tight.  
  
So preoccupied with living within his fantasy he didn't realize that her once loud sobs had subsided and turned into small but frequent sniffles.   
  
His thoughts back to his surroundings he flinched when she slid off the stool and moved away from the island, magazine in hand.  
  
He tried to move away from the window as far as he could without obstructing his view. Buffy grabbed a scrunchie off the kitchen cabinet pulling her hair up in a small ponytail. Reaching for the switch, the once brightly lit kitchen filled with darkness as Spike watched her move into the dining room out of sight.  
  
And Spike was alone on his love's back porch. He wiped the few tears that had fallen from his eyes onto his cheeks.   
  
'If you'd only love me Buffy. If only.'  
  
He turned around and quietly took those steps again, down to the soft ground. The calm of the evening greeted Spike as he made his way to the bushes of Buffy's lawn. He swiftly slipped through them, disappearing into the winters night.   
  
_The air is still within the silence of my room  
I hear your voice softly callin'  
If I could only have you near  
To breathe a sigh or two  
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love  
Upon this winter night with you  
  
Sarah McLachlan, Song for a Winters Night  
_


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